I'm in tears at the moment.....I've just had to put my dog, Chance down.
A few may remember a journal I wrote, telling of my boy's Epilepsy condition (which I kept mistakenly calling Schizophrenia). What was weird was he seemed almost back to normal after the first fit (give or take a few wobbly episodes). Then today, all of a sudden, Chance began (how the vet termed it) "cluster fitting".
It was horrible watching my boy shaking on the ground, stiff as a board. It must of been like living through one of those nightmares that you can't wake yourself out of. He bit through his tongue twice, lost control of his bladder, and near the end, made continuous shrill barks and howls. It was theorised that instead of Epilepsy; Chance most likely had a Brain Tumour.
What hurts the most is unfortunately, I wasn't able to be there when Chance was put down. Explanations aside.......I hope to use this Journal to say my last words to my Beautiful Boy, my Up-Pup, Chance-
"Chance, I'm so sorry that things had to end this way. I always imagined being there beside you, scratching your ear (like you used to love) as you fell into your forever sleep. Letting your last glance, be the sight of the one who loved you the most. I feel terrible.....
I feel terrible knowing that I'm not going to see you greet me at the fence anymore. I feel terrible that I'm not going to feel you place your head on my lap as I draw. I feel terrible that we'll never play fetch again, or dance together, or make your leg kick as I scratch up and down your spine......I feel terrible that I never got to say goodbye.
But just like Han Solo with Princess Leia; "you knew." Every time I called your name and you'd sit there at my feet, that tender look would say, "You are my Lady and I am your Dog."
I treasured your gentle loyalty, Chance. Thank you."